I want to make a zoo with you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am one with the molecules
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
