Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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