there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
