If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
