The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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