2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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