Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
