1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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