He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
