Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
