I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
