yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize