My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
