Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
