so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
handjob tips. give me some.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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