woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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