WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
