So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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