It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
