The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
