i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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