I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize