3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
