dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
