drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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