then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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