I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
