thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
