Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
