If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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