i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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