she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
