I will die if light touches me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
