I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
