I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
