Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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