he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
