Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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