are you still at the devil's house?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
