Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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