just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
