I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
