She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
