Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
