Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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