Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
