I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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