Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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