Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
