It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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