im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
