Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
