He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
