im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
