Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
