Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
