Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
