DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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