its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
