You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
