I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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