The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
