Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
