If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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