oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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