Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
