you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
