I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And then he peed in my hair
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