I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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