My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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