Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
