How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize