Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
