wakey wakey hands off snakey
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
