is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize