He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
