I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
