dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
