he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
