Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
