Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
