was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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