The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
